Back again……
My dear friends, my dear fellow readers….
Thanks so much for visiting my blog and thanks for keep visiting although I wasn’t able to keep on blogging during the past weeks. Thanks so much for thinking of me, for your sympathies and for your good thoughts and lovely wishes + for your wonderful comments.
It means so much. So much…
I wasn’t able to write on my blog nor to read your new postings as well. My apologize for it.
In last week I took care of the last part of the relief of my beloved sister. When she passed away in last year I took care of the organisation of her funeral. Of her obsequies. Right after I had to take care about her household clearance. I couldn’t describe it very good in words. I’ve never felt so deeply despaired than in this time in my whole life. So empty. So abandoned. Like the time was standing still and the world stopped the rotating. Time was so relative during these minutes, hours, days, weeks, months.
So in last year I gave some of her furniture into a storage. I found a very little solace in it that I don’t have to part with everything immediately. I took as many things I could to my home. Her most beloved books. Her beloved plants. Documents and papers. Photographies.
In last week I had to clear this storage as well and try to find good places for it. Once again I took some smaller things with me. Like this cute little table from her balcony which is now standing on my balcony as well. I was sitting next to the table. Watching it silently.
We were sitting at this table so many times together. I was holding her hands there. We laughed together. I remember one evening in Summer 07 when my sister made a lovely Dinner for us on her balcony. It was getting dark outside. She lightened many candles for us and we talked, talked and talked for hours and til late midnight. I remember her lovely and beautiful face in the candlelight. And on the scarf on her head which she later putted aside in the warm evening air. She was so very beautiful. From the in- and from the outside.
She was pure love.
Now I’m sitting alone at the little table. And I cannot explain what I’m feeling. My hands. Her hands are not lieing in my hands any more. What has happened exactly. I know what has happened. But to know it and to understand it, to feel it and to accept it. There is a lot of difference in between.
I was holding her soft pink tartan pj’s once again. She has worn it on her last visit at home. She looked so cute in it. With red cheeks. She didn’t look ill this morning at all.
After all the time it’s still having her fragrance on. Heaven. My sister smelled like heaven.
When I hugged her pyjamas and closed my eyes it felt a little bit like lieing in her arms.
I know that she wouldn’t like me to be sad and to enjoy my life. But I can’t help it. I’m missing her on every day and on every hour. I always will.
To lovely and amazing Hanh, to sweet and fabulous Nini, to incredible Marian and to wonderful Haute Shopper:
Thank you so much for constantly thinking of me and for sending me good thoughts and all your best wishes, your sympathies during this time.
That means so very much to me, you have no idea, ladies.
All my love to you!
